The Seven Days of Christmas
by Silent Searcher
Summary: Christmas is a time to rejoice and forgive - to celebrate and remember the joy of the world. This Christmas Joshua remembers these seasonal gifts and remembers what it is like to live. He just hopes he'll survive the torment that is Neku Sakuraba.
1. Chapter 1: Show me the snow

**Author's Note: Hey Guys, here is my Christmas present to you all. This will be a little series that highlights some of my favourite parts of winter/Christmas. It will mostly follow Joshua and his redemption after the Long Game. I probably won't get it all done by the New Year but I shall try my best.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything referenced in this story.**

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><p>He rarely roamed amongst the people. He entered the RG even less frequently than that. However on that snowy morning, he couldn't resist. He just had to feel the chill on his face; hear the ice crunch under foot. He had loved the snow. Inevitably his fascination with it had been his undoing: snow chains had been made compulsory after the accident.<p>

But as the sun streamed down, glistening on the pale cushion of snow, his breath clouding in front of him: he didn't care. His past life was so very long ago; irrelevant yet so crucial in making him who he was. He had learnt to turn a blind eye to previous events but still retain the wisdom and knowledge he had gained.

Although he had loved the winter in his old life, it had lost its appeal over the years. He had no idea where the sudden compulsion to immerse himself in such nostalgic pleasures came from. He took no pleasure in reminiscing; it pained him. His past was bitter and empty; wrought with pressure and pain. He clenched his fists; nails biting into his palms. The pain was familiar; a frequent companion. He was headed north; toward Cat Street – it was about time he clocked in with his Producer.

That was until he saw a flash of purple, a shard of ginger hair: Neku Sakuraba. Had he unconsciously sought him out? No surely not. But it could not be a coincidence for them to meet here. Hachiko was a place for reunions but this was one amalgamation he would rather miss.

He had not seen Neku since the Long Game. That had been three months ago. Seeing him in that moment - smiling and content with his band of friends – made him stop. He had no idea how Neku felt toward him: was he hated? He had every reason to be. Was he feared? He hoped not. Was he forgiven?

He doubted it. He digressed that this was an understatement: he knew it. Neku could never forgive him for his actions, and he would not ask the teen to. He was used to being loathed – used to being lost. His incapability to face the animosity of the ginger made him turn and begin to walk back to the sewers. He wanted to coop himself up – to hide from the blaring light that was Neku Sakuraba. The temporary peace he had found; gone. Robbed from him at the sight of the life he didn't have; the friend he couldn't have.

"Whoa there Josh, where're you going?"

He froze. Surely his mind wasn't so cruel as to imagine that. The foot traffic faded from his vision; the faceless crowds unimportant to him. A hand landed on his shoulder. Breath tickled his ear. He felt the heat of the body next to him.

"Nice to see you too, Josh."

He was there. He hadn't imagined him. His legs shook slightly; his hands trembled. His usual cocky façade discarded; his emotions too intense for him to hide like he usually did. He was scared; he was tense; he was hopeful.

He was gently turned around. He kept his head low; not wanting to see the disdain in the other's eyes.

"We were about to go grab some ramen; want to join us? It's my treat." It was if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't killed the other: twice. As if he hadn't betrayed him. He was still haunted by the tear stained face of Neku Sakuraba. The final game had killed him even though he was the one who had fired the shot. Neku lifted his chin so that their eyes met…

No hatred. No contempt. No mistrust.

He was smiling.

Neku Sakuraba was smiling at him. His throat was tight; his breathing was heavy; his heart thumped painfully. He couldn't contain it any longer.

He stepped forward; curling his arms around the other's neck. He buried himself in the other's embrace. Neku cocooned his arms around him. Tears slid down his frozen cheeks; landing on the ginger's purple scarf. He had been so lonely. The snow had lured him from the sewers; promising salvation. The sharp dagger of loneliness had lodged itself in his heart for so long; he felt he would be crushed under the pressure of it. The only sanctuary he had found in his after-life had been the ginger boy, but he had betrayed him. With that betrayal he sentenced himself to loneliness.

But he wasn't alone. A care free, teary laugh erupted from his chest: he wasn't alone. Here he was; in the arms of Neku Sakuraba – the one person he had ever risked his life for. He had hoped Neku would not shoot him but he could never have been certain; he could have died. Yet he proposed the duel anyway. Neku didn't shoot him. Neku cared for him. He wasn't alone.

"I missed you, you know?"

His heart couldn't take any more emotion. Normally he would either run away or push people away with his egocentric disguise. This time he relished in the feelings. He had been alone for too long.

He stepped back; untangling himself from the other. A genuine smile was cemented on his face. No more games; no more tricks; no more lies. He wanted to be Josh; not the Composer and not the pompous mask that was Joshua. No; he would be Josh: Neku's friend. He would not ruin his chance at happiness.

"I missed you too, Neku. Now, what was this about free ramen?" Neku rolled his eyes and turned toward Dogenzaka - Ken Doi's ramen calling to them.

They left Hachiko; as a group. Behind them was a statue, a past full of lies and a pit of loneliness. Ahead of them: friendship; joy and of course, free food.

"Hey, Neku."

"Yeah Josh?"

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Showing me the snow."


	2. Chapter 2: Fireside Chat

**Author's Note: Merry late Christmas everyone! I had planned on uploading this earlier in the week but I was busy with holiday-related stuff. Very boring. Anyway, I decided to rethink the typical fire-side scene and make it a little less romantic: of course, what's Christmas without a little argument? The next few chapters are almost done so they should be up soon.**

**Disclaimer: you know I don't own TWEWY, I'm not _that_ fantabulous.**

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><p>Orange, yellow flames licked and crackled in the darkness. The scent of fire danced in his nose; the musky scent familiar and homely. The warmth was a welcome refuge from the chilly midnight air of the café's back room. The sofa that Sanae had bought some time in the late 90's was frayed and worn but nonetheless comfortable. In his previous life, he had often liked to sit and watch the embers sizzle. Now - after the events of earlier that day – Joshua was content to recreate those peaceful times. It would have been perfect did he not feel so cramped; he had not left the sewers in a long time so the sudden openness of the streets had made the transaction between indoors and outdoors all-the-more noticeable.<p>

His nightmares didn't help either.

"Josh, is that you?"

"Yeah it's me." Sanae plodded in, perching down next to the silverette. The pair had a rocky relationship at best; they were friends at first but business meant they often disagreed thus creating a void between them. That and Sanae had helped attempt to kill Joshua.

"You still not sleeping?" Though his nightmares had begun when he was still alive, the dreams had changed over the years. They still involved pain, suffering and hatred; death was also a recurring component. However recently the subject of his imaginings had shifted: no longer about his own mortality but that of another – tears shed for an undeserving soul, the echoes of betrayal in bright blue eyes, ragged breaths at the end of life.

He shook his head, not trusting his voice. His eyes were still trained on the flames in the hearth. Neither of them spoke, not knowing what to say. His eyes burned, his throat was raw, his chest felt empty.

The man sighed before standing, offering a small salute as he retreated upstairs to his room. Joshua was once more alone.

As he always had been.

As he always would be.

Joshua hated what he had become. He swore when he became Composer that it would not change him. It was one amongst the infinite number of vows and promises he had made in his prolonged life that he failed to fulfil. He was a monster. He was the epitome of all that was wrong with the universe. He was just plain horrendous. He deserved to die. He deserved to be hated. He deserved to feel the hurt he inflicted on others. He was ugly; inside and out. He lied to cover his insecurity. He tricked others so they didn't get near him – so they didn't hurt him when they left. He betrayed because he had been betrayed. It was all he knew. He had played the role of the evil Composer for so long that he didn't know how else to act. He didn't know who he was. He didn't know what to do. What he did know, was that he was scared. And unlike in any Fairy-tale; no hero would save him. No handsome Prince would swoop in to his aid. There would be no happily ever after. Not when he was the villain. He was the one who was to be banished, fought, and destroyed. He would forever be hated - not loved.

"Josh, are you alright?" The silverette jumped, hurriedly wiping the tears that meandered down his face. He had forgotten Neku had stayed at Wild Cat. The ginger padded up to the Composer like a loyal pup sensing distress in its owner. Not that Joshua owned Neku.

Joshua couldn't speak, the tears having clawed his throat raw; robbing him of words. The ginger sat down next to the other, his eyes curious. That curiosity and intrigue spelt disaster for Joshua; Neku was not one to leave a subject once his interest was piqued. The silverette kept his eyes on the flames, ignoring the other entirely.

The room was once more silent par for the crackling flames. However Neku would not stop fidgeting. His movement was fast becoming irritating. He could take no more of the ginger's jitteriness.

"What is the matter dear? Honestly it is as if you are robbed of the ability to sit still. If this is the case please leave me to my wallowing." Neku froze; he had not expected Joshua to react to him. He turned to face the silverette, expecting him to continue. Joshua did not. He had nothing more that he was willing to say.

"What's the matter? You can't just show up and then ignore me." His tether snapped – his pent up frustration streaming free.

"I am not ignoring you. And I did not just show up; I did not intentionally seek you out." This was not the answer the ginger wanted, and so the rebuttal began:  
>"Then why are you here?" It was unclear where Neku meant by 'here': did he mean the café or Neku's life in general? Either way, the answer was the same.<p>

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you 'don't know'? Surely you do, it was your decision; just as it was your decision to not destroy Shibuya." Joshua sighed; he knew this topic would be breached. His voice remained even, he refused to raise his voice since it achieved nothing but allow unwanted listeners into the conversation.

"I was wondering when you'd bring this up. And - as I told you - I don't know. I honestly don't know. I don't know why I decided to walk around Shibuya today; I just did. I don't know why I didn't destroy Shibuya; I just didn't. I don't know why you care; you just do. So, if you are here to interrogate me: don't bother, I don't know. If you are here to make me feel bad: don't bother, I already do." Neku snorted. He was too wrapped up in his own emotions to notice the forlorn look on Joshua's face – or perhaps it only spurred him on.

"Damn right, you should feel bad! You killed me - twice! Without even batting an eye! So you're saying you're not completely heartless." The ginger was shouting now. Normally Joshua would make a snarky comment on how people only shout if they couldn't properly iterate their point – he did not though. He couldn't. Instead he lowered his head and stared at his hands.  
>"No I'm not."<p>

This quietened Neku's anger; Joshua's desolate tone and vulnerable appearance finally getting through. "Of course, you're right: I deserve to feel terrible. I deserve to be alone: I deserve to feel the pain I caused you. I understand how you feel: you feel empty after having your trust broken, you feel pathetic for ever having trusted in the first place, and you feel as though you shall never let in another again. But all in all you feel confused; confused as to why this predicament ever occurred in the first place. Why did I have to kill you? What could you have done to avoid me killing you? Why did you ever think I was capable of emotion in the first place?" The ginger's brow was furrowed; confusion scrawled over his features.

"How do you – but…" Joshua shook his head. He couldn't listen to Neku anymore; his voice still carried the conviction and hatred it had previously.

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." Neku crossed his arms. It seemed he too had had enough of the company.

"Alright I won't."

So the silence washed over the room again. By this time, even the fire had subdued slightly so the room was even more hushed. Shadows loomed in every corner; the darkness similar to the state of Joshua's mind. It may well have resembled Neku's perception of Joshua's heart as well. Joshua returned to his self-loathing. He had pondered the best way to personify himself and come up with only a few examples, the best one being a pen: he was a medium through which other people's genius is shown, in this case Shibuya's. He was only as good as Shibuya was, he could only achieve as much as Shibuya allowed. He was also replaceable when he failed to function. He had the feeling he wold soon be replaced; his usefulness having been subdued.

The quiet had become almost as painful as the arguing when the ginger spoke up once more: "How do you know how I feel?" Joshua slumped further; he hated repeating himself. He also hated the direction he knew the conversation was headed. "I told you…"

"I know what you told me; just answer me." Joshua hated being right – he had hoped this conversation could be avoided.

"I too have been in a similar predicament. Many people I have trusted in my life have stabbed me in the back; more than one time that statement occurred in the literal sense." He lifted his head, swivelling his torso to face Neku. The movement emphasized his words; his haggard appearance showed the torment coursing through his body. "The most recent incident involved the very man you idolise. Though I understand his reasoning, it does little to reduce the pain. The motives behind his actions are valid I hold no great grudge – though it still hurts to know the man I trusted and confided in for so long would kill me if need be." Joshua pulled his knees to his chest, the hollow feeling in his chest making him feel as though he would collapse in on himself at any point. Now it was the ginger's turn to become timid; he reclined into himself. The truth and honesty of Joshua's words hit him like a bullet: sharp, sudden, shocking.

"I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't; it was not your place to know. Matters concerning the UG are not your business. Besides, what would you have done? Swooped in and saved me?" The silverette chuckled menacingly; the irony amusing and all the more ridiculous to him. "I'd like to see you try." He shook his head, clearing it of distraction. He had a point he was trying to convey and he would be damned if he messed up because of some pathetic self-pity. "I have survived many centuries of assassination attempts; this one has no more consequence than the others. I have seen allies plot my destruction; seen friends leave, seen them die. I have seen the corruption and deceit build over so many decades – all the while I have been alone. So do not come here and start lecturing me about how much it hurts, because I have known more pain than you ever will." He hoped his message had gotten through; it would not do for Neku to feel isolated due to his experiences. Nor would it do for Neku to waltz around as though he had the toughest life in the universe: many people were worse off than he. "By now you have seen how cruel the world is: how it is kill or be killed. So why do you look at me with such disdain? As a player you erased noise so that you survived – you had no problem with that. Reapers try to erase Players to survive – again that is fine in your eyes. Yet you never considered maybe it was the same for me." Neku shifted uncomfortably. Joshua took that as confirmation of his words. "I have to contend with Players, Reapers even other Angels - trying to erase me. I constantly have to be on my guard; if I show the slightest hint of humanity it is exploited and I will be killed. It's a wonder I've lasted this long." The flames morphed before his eyes into scenes from distant past: his parents locking him in his room, his classmates laughing about him behind his back, angels condemning his actions and insulting his soul. The isolation was terrifying. The loneliness was intoxicating. The hurt was permeated his very being.

He removed his gaze from the hearth; looking back to the ginger.

"I really am sorry I caused you this pain Neku. But I cannot say I am sorry for killing you. At the time I saw it as necessary as I believed I had identified the true nature of Shibuya. Anyway, you seem to be better off after dying. You now live life better and have friends that you previously didn't have." Neku considered this before nodding in agreement.

"That's true." The teen seemed to mull over what Joshua had said; weighing up both his previous perspective and the Composer's additions. Joshua watched him intently – how his brow furrowed, his shoulders drooped and his fingers worried at the hem of his black night-shirt. "I'm sorry." The words were uttered so lightly that he almost missed them.

Yoshiya Kiryu had never been gifted those words before: he was always ignored, classed as collateral damage. No one had ever deemed him worthy of an apology before. No one had ever deemed him worthy of an explanation either. He would never forget those two whispered words. How could he ever do anything to harm the boy after being granted such a privilege? He smiled coyly.

"It's alright. We both have been ignorant." Neku chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, how about we restart; we just be friends and judge each other on our actions from here on out?" The ginger extended his hand. Joshua regarded him; the ginger's sincerity was true.

"I can live with that."


	3. Chapter 3: The Gift of Understanding

**Author's Note: Hey guys, Happy New Year! I'm so sorry this is taking me so long to do but I've got loads of homework I need to get done by Monday so I'm freaking out a little. Anyway I hope you all had a great holiday season and I hope you like the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own TWEWY just as I still don't own a copy of Majora's Mask. Only a matter of time...**

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><p>Joshua hated Christmas. He found the prospect of exchanging gifts, selfish and materialistic. The consumerist, commercial flamboyance was garish and ridiculous in his eyes. Santa was just a tale used to blackmail children. There was nothing special about this time of year; he couldn't see what all the fuss was about. People rushed about, spending money on gifts that would be exchanged or forgotten within a few weeks. Decorations embellished every inch of useful space, making it even more crowded than normal.<p>

It was just all so ridiculous.

Yet here he was - in line at Towa Records – purchasing a gift. He probably wouldn't even give the gift but he thought it a necessary evil; his conscience heavy. He hadn't meant to reimburse himself in Neku's life: it had just sort of _happened_. Not that he was unhappy: far from it really. He was thankful to the other for giving him a second chance; not that he would ever tell him that. He had a reputation to uphold after all.

Joshua maintained his egocentric Composer attitude in public. He had to maintain a strong exterior to keep his position: Neku accepted this, so long as there were no lies and Joshua promised not to shoot him again. It was clear that Joshua would never be forgiven for his betrayals, regardless of Neku declaring them partners and friends. He had expected as such; how did you forgive someone for shooting you dead – twice? He was sure such a scenario had not occurred in history before. Neku had every right to hate Joshua.

Joshua had no plans on ever hurting Neku again.

Joshua left the store, beginning his trek to Wild Cat where he was staying for the holiday season. The Dead God's Pad was too sombre and lonely for the Composer to handle. The snow still persisted; the rejuvenated joy that accompanied it ensured a smile always played on the silverette's face. He really did owe a lot to his proxy. And if he was honest, he owed the rest of the group too.

Shiki opened Neku up to the ways of the world. Without her, he doubted that Neku and he would have conversed as much as they did. He wouldn't be where he was now.

Rhyme taught Neku loyalty and sacrifice; her selfless actions having left a lasting impression on the ginger. Without her, Neku may well have shot him in the Room of Reckoning.

Beat supported Neku; nurtured his new found confidence and pushed him to find his individuality. Without him, Neku would have probably become a recluse once more.

Neku's three friends; each the ginger's partners in rescuing himself from his anti-social nature and aiding him expand his world.

Joshua had made his appreciation known: Shibuya was saved, the group had been revived, Rhyme had been resurrected – regardless of her previous erasure and finally, he had kept himself away from the group. Or at least he had _tried_ to; Neku had abolished his final act of kindness. They didn't seem to see what he had done for them; they still saw him as the cold, heartless killer and Composer. Not that he could blame them.

"Yo Prissy, what you up to?" The silverette looked up from the pavement; meeting the gaze of Daisukenojo Bito. Out of the entire group, the elder Bito sibling held Joshua in the lowest regard. He hated the Game and everything it included - and who was responsible for the Game but Joshua. This made the blond hate him from the get-go. But add the double murder of his friend and betrayal of the aforementioned friend's trust and not even a mutual tolerance was possible. So then why was the teen being so civil toward the silverette – the scum of the universe in his eyes?

"Not much, just partaking in a leisurely stroll. _Why_ is that not allowed?" The blond frowned, raising his hands defensively.

"I didn't mean it like that, man. I was just wondering cos' you ain't never out and about." Joshua sighed, the boy was right. Rarely did he roam the streets but he couldn't bare go back to the sewers and recently he felt confined whilst staying indoors. The taller boy fell into step with the silverette, walking a safe distance from him but still close enough for it to be clear they were together.

"To what do I owe the pleasure? Are you getting jealous of the attention I give to Neku-kun?" The Bito jumped about six feet in the air; shocked and terrified by Joshua's flirtatiousness. The silverette giggled menacingly.

"Bwahh! What you talking about yo?" Joshua smirked at the nervousness his presence caused the blond. "Why you gotta be so creepy man? Just when I'm trying to be nice to you for Phones, you go and get all prissy." So that was his reason: he was doing it because he wanted Neku to be happy. The silverette observed the blond, reasoning that he could learn a thing or two from him. "Why can't you be nice yo? Why you gotta be the creepy old Composer? And don't say cos' tha's who you are, cos' that ain't true. Phones wouldn't be friends with you if you were such a dick. So come on man."

Joshua was slightly taken aback; was his façade clear to _everyone_ suddenly? The taller teen was more perceptive than he seemed. The silverette turned to him; they had stopped just at the start of Cat Street. He could just provide a fake and snide reply; but that would breach the promise he had made to Neku. No, once again he would have to bear his soul. He sighed, resigned to his situation.

"I am the way I am because I have to be. A Composer must be dignified and competent; my reputation is what maintains my position which keeps me alive. If _anyone_ were to see me as feeble or to find _any_ weakness at all, they would exploit that to gain the power bestowed on a Composer." Beat shrugged; he understood very well the motivation behind wanting to become Composer. He himself had wanted to be the head of the UG. However, Joshua highly doubted he would have lasted long; he didn't fully understand the duties the title entailed. Beat also didn't seem to realise the potential outcomes of Joshua being dethroned – par Joshua being erased. The current Composer decided he should enlighten the blond. "Losing my position would be negative for two primary reasons: first, as you well know, I would most likely _die_ – this is something I do not wish to occur any time soon. Secondly, the next Composer may not be as hospitable as I; meaning Shibuya's fate will be uncertain and likely to end in chaos. You asked why I keep up false pretences," He sighed, staring up at the sky, "I continue to be egotistical to keep you safe - were anyone to see me getting close to you or to find out you were important to me; you would _all_ be _killed_. You, Shiki, your sister, Neku: you would all become targets. You would be manipulated and mutilated in the hope of breaking me." Beat was speechless; he clearly had been blind to the truth. Joshua sighed, why did situations like this keep occurring? He truly hated justifying himself and his actions. By the amount he had explained over the last few days, one would think he was an open book. If this kept up his mystery would be completely eradicated.

An arm slung itself over the silverette's shoulders.

"Well, it's nice to know you on our side, yo. You ain't so much of a dick as I thought. But if you hurt Phones or any of us, I will kill you." The blond was serious as he glowered down at Joshua. It was rather amusing that the larger boy thought he could intimidate the Composer of Shibuya just because of his height and petty threats. Joshua didn't say so, just because he knew it would bite him in the behind later.

"That fact is duly noted, though I have no intentions on causing any harm to them."

"Good." They began walking down the street once more, this time looking more like friends than previously.

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><p>"Hey Beat." Shiki and Rhyme were sat in one of the booths in Wild Cat. Shiki sipped on a cup of tea whilst Rhyme sat working on her homework. Shiki had made a point of not greeting the silverette. Contrary to his previous assumptions it seemed to be <em>Shiki<em> who had the lowest opinion of him. Even Beat had been more companionable. Beat slid in next to his sister, peering over at her work: it was poetry.

"Hi Joshua, I'm sorry about Shiki." Rhyme looked ruefully up at the Composer. The younger Bito was a peculiar case: she did not seem to hold any grudge nor any bear any resentment for the silverette. Joshua sat on a stool at the counter which was opposite the group; he daren't get any closer. Mr H was rummaging in the store room – Joshua could hear the man muttering to himself. The silverette wished he'd hurry, Shiki's glares were about to cremate him. Beat and his sister were ignoring the other two people in attendance; Rhyme explaining the purpose of iambic pentameter. The concept was rather basic in theory – the name being the most difficult thing about it – but Beat seemed to struggle in grasping it. Rhyme remained patient, never once seeming annoyed by her brother's slow understanding. For such a young girl, her wisdom was outstanding. It was if she were triple her age.

"What are you planning? What do you want?" The silverette shifted his gaze onto the dark haired girl. She shifted her glasses up the bridge of her nose; loathing searing from her.

"Yo Shiki, Prissy ain't so bad." Shiki's eyes snapped to the blond boy.

"He's gotten to you too! 'Not so bad' – what do you mean by that? He's pompous, he's condescending. He's the most selfish person in existence. He's always looking after himself and no one else. He's going to _hurt_ Neku." Joshua hung his head, she was right. He was utterly repugnant. She was right to hate him. He glanced over at Beat, who seemed so sure of what he was saying; he truly believed in his view.

"You don't know that. And I'm not saying he's a saint or whatever but you should let up on him." Shiki scoffed. She glowered at Joshua, the true extent of her hatred clear in the flames in her eyes.  
>"Why should I? In case you've forgotten he killed Neku – twice! Can you seriously tell me, that what he did is alright with you?" Beat scratched his head for a moment: she had him there. She was right, his actions were inexcusable. Joshua gripped his trousers, the fabric creasing in his iron grip.<p>

"Yeah well, no it ain't alright. But can you say it's alright that Phones wants to be his friend, and yet you're insulting Prissy behind his back? What I mean is: if Phones wants him around then you don't have a reason to dislike him. He's in the same shit we were, he's gotta kill or _he'll_ be killed, man."

"Oh is that what he told you?" Shiki stood leaning over the table in an attempt of intimidating Beat into submission. Her move failed – dramatically. Beat jumped up and leaned into her, a few inches separating them.

"Yes it is, and he sure as hell made a better case for himself than you have. He's not the one disagreeing and threatening my friends; _you_ are." Shiki backed off, her face now held confusion.

"How am I…?" Beat chuckled, cutting her off.

"You start badmouthing Phones' friends he's gonna lose trust in all of us. Then he'll retort into what he was before." Rhyme quietly cleared her throat, politely gaining the attention of her brother.

"I think the word you're looking for is _revert_ Beat, not retort." The elder Bito smiled down at his sister. He nodded his thanks before turning back to Shiki.

"Right revert. If Phones wants him around then he isn't evil. If Rhyme likes him then he isn't lying. And if he ain't lying then he's protecting us." Shiki laughed menacingly. The way Beat worded it, Joshua sounded like a gallant hero. He wasn't. He was the devil: a conniving menace that needed to be eradicated.

"How the hell did you come to _that_ conclusion?" Beat raised an eyebrow; he had thought Shiki – who was much smarter than he – would grasp the implications of Joshua's predicament. After all he had.

"He's the Composer, loads of folks are gonna be wanting to kill him. If he acts like a prick then it looks like we don't mean anything to him; then we ain't targets for those guys who want his job." It shocked Joshua how much Beat had took in from his explanation earlier. He had assumed the blond had grasped little; apparently he was wrong. It felt bizarre to the silverette, for another to be standing up for him. Normally he was the one being chastised and put in his place.

"I don't see what that has to do with Neku becoming anti-social again."

"If any of us get hurt he'll blame himself then he'll turn emo again." Joshua had not thought of that. He had only considered that Neku would get mad if any of his friends were hurt. The elder Bito was one step ahead of the Composer _himself_ – this was getting rather unnerving.

"Look Shiki, I don't think much of him either; but I'm willing to give him a chance. You're nicer than me, so you should give him a chance too." Shiki stopped and considered Beat's cumulating argument.

"Alright Beat, you win." She digressed, the fight seeping from her. She sat down again. Beat too retook his seat.

"Well, Joshua. Looks like you've got yourself three more friends."

"Not yet, but I appreciate the sentiment."


	4. Chapter 4: As Pure as Snow

**Author's Note: Hey Guys! I know I haven't updated anything in ages; Operation: AkuRoku having not been added to since about October...anyway, I am trying but I have tons of work since I have exams coming up. So bear with me. Here's day 4, it's been done for a while but I didn't like how it ends. I'll probably edit it in the future. I love how this is a Christmas story but I'm posting it during the year, just shows how useless I am.**

**Natsuno Circus: I'm glad you like it, thanks taking the time to review. I appreciate it. :)**

**And by the way, yes this is a romance. I need some love right now so I'm blessing my favourite boys with some fluffy romance!**

**Disclaimer: you know the deal by now, I don't own anything.**

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><p>"Hurry up slow poke!" Beat rushed ahead; him footing sure and secure. Rhyme rode atop her brother's shoulders; not because she was clumsy but because Beat had insisted. Shiki attempted to keep pace but her footing was sloppy and haphazard; it was surprising she hadn't already fallen over. Neku walked hurriedly behind Shiki; he had the sense not to run. This may not have been so much because of Neku's sensibility but because of Joshua's stubbornness. The ginger teen was dragging the other by the wrist in an effort to speed him up; his efforts were thus far futile. The silverette knew the results of being reckless in the hazardous conditions accompanying snow. He didn't want to recreate previous events.<p>

They were headed to Miyashita Park; the Bito siblings insisted on enjoying the snow. Not that the others had wanted to do anything else but enjoy the weather.

They made it to their destination without any incidents. The park was covered with powdery white snow; perfect for classic wintery shenanigans.

"Hey, Neku." The ginger turned to the silverette.

"Yeah, Josh?" He forced his smile away and swallowed his laugh. The moment would be more hilarious if he kept a straight face. He stepped up to the ginger; placing his hand on the other's shoulder.

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" The other teens erupted into a chorus of laughter; Josh on the other hand maintained his composure. Neku simply shook his head, offering a small chuckle. He took that as a yes. They began the innate steps to make the wintery sculpture. The Bito siblings were in charge of the body; their teamwork meaning it took half the time anyone else would. Shiki searched for anything that would make adequate features and arms; their urban location not helping her in the least. Joshua and Neku were given the task of crafting the appropriate head for the snowman. They began traditionally: rolling a ball of snow along until it reached sufficient size. Neku then commandeered the more-cuboid-than-sphere mass of snow; perching it on a nearby bench. He produced a pencil from his pocket. The silverette was bemused as to its purpose.

"It's sort of a make-shift carving tool; we want him to look good don't we?" Joshua chuckled: trust Neku to think things through. The pair crouched, facing the snow 'ball'.

"So, what will this charming person look like? A tribute to Miss Misaki maybe; I'm sure she'd love for you to carve her likeness." Neku pushed his shoulder, causing him to fall in the snow. He was now cold and very, very wet. He pouted at the ginger boy who simply laughed at his discomfort.

"That's what you get Josh. Besides, you know I don't like Shiki that way." Did he know that? He was under the impression the pair of them were romantically involved; the again he had been wrong before and the heart was not really his area of expertise. However when faced with a good puzzle…

Neku, seemingly having come to a conclusion for the appearance of the snow, started chiselling channels along the top of the snow.

"So? Who is it based on?" Neku sighed, turning to him. His eyebrows were raised. Joshua smiled innocently at him. With a roll of his eyes, Neku took him in; his eyes flickering over Joshua's face.

"Who said it was based on anyone?" Neku turned back to his work, a new wave of inspiration having hit him.

"I did; because I know you never create anything spontaneously: you feel you create better when inspired by something or in this case someone." The ginger teen ignored him. Joshua wasn't annoyed by this; in fact he wasn't even surprised: Neku seemed to always zone out when he was concentrating, especially on anything artistic.

The silverette crouched near the other, observing his handiwork. The emerging face looked familiar but it was still too vague to identify - long scraggly hair framed a petite face with a rounded nose. How Neku managed to carve the intricate details without causing the snow to sever and fall, was astounding.

The Bitos strolled over to the pair, settling next to them. Rhyme giggled softly. Her brother and Joshua turned to her with quizzical expressions. An explanation was whispered into her brother's ear but Joshua was offered no reasoning. Beat's reaction did little to stunt his curiosity neither: he choked before falling promptly onto his behind. Whatever it was seemed so terrible that the elder Bito was incapable of speech and could do nothing but gape – his gaze shifting from Neku to Joshua then to his sister.

"What's the matter with Beat?" Shiki joined them; pebbles in hand. The girls whispered together before Shiki peered over Neku's shoulder, nodding in some unknown agreement. Amongst the silverette's confusion, Neku had finished carving and had manoeuvred the head onto the body a few paces away.

He set to work refining the body-shape; the others obscuring Joshua's view. Whether this was on purpose or not was not clear to the silverette but nevertheless it was infuriating. He wanted to observe his once-proxy at work, as it was rare for him to work with an audience. But the ginger's friends were denying him his simple pleasure.

"No way Mister; not until he's finished." The youngest Bito tugged him a few feet away from the rest of the group.

"But why? Why can't I watch?" Rhyme started giggling. She had latched onto his elbow, leading him toward a large bank of snow.

"For two reasons: first, you're interfering with Neku's concentration and secondly, you are going to help me make some ammo." Joshua frowned; he wasn't being that distracting. Was he? Besides, what did she mean by 'ammo'? "We are going to craft some ammunition for a little war we will be having in a moment. I always make a stock early and bombard my brother from the get go." The silverette chuckled at this; he never imagined the young girl to be so violent. They set to work moulding the snow into balls. The work was repetitive and cold. Joshua's fingers trembled. His nose ran from the chilly air. His toes curled in his boots, trying to conserve some warmth.

"So Joshua, how long have you loved Neku?" The silverette dropped the snow in his hands; he whipped around to stare at the girl next to him. His cheeks burned. He tried to speak but could not conjure anything but a stuttering mess. She laughed at his discomfort.

"I do not love Neku." She shrugged; the action said 'if you say so'. "I do not love him."

"I'm not buying it but if you really don't want to admit it…" Joshua pointed in her face.

"Now see here, I feel nothing but admiration for Neku. There is nothing romantic about my feelings for him." Rhyme put her hands on her hips and leered at him.

"Then why couldn't you kill him?" The silverette had no answer to that. He blinked; stunned. She had a fair point. Rhyme smugly folded her arms across her chest.

"Because he had changed, he showed me that Shibuya could change." This was the reason he forced himself to believe. It was the story he had stuck with, even though his heart knew it wasn't the real reasoning behind his actions.

"Didn't mean you had to return him to life; if you say 'his soul was worthy' I am going to die of laughter right here – no pun intended - and then Beat will kick your butt." The pair laughed for a moment; considering the image. The scenario was rather hilarious given the circumstances.

"Kick my butt huh?" Rhyme nodded assertively.

"Yep." Joshua shook his head. He pulled a pair of black woollen gloves from his pocket. Pulling them on, he succumbed to the young girl's omnipotence.

"Alright, I digress. I may have a tiny crush on him but you can't blame me. He's the first person to actually care about me; anyone else would have killed me but he didn't. Anyone else would hate me; but he has accepted me once more. Anyone else would tell me to take a hike thanks to my egotistical façade but Neku – well he does, but he understands why I lie so much." Once they had a considerable stash they also dug a small bunker that they would pummel the others from.

"I don't see anything wrong with it, Joshua. I rather like you in fact, apart from the whole killing Neku thing of course. I digress, the fact that you like Neku and that Neku has reintegrated you into his life, is why Shiki is so hostile toward you." Joshua stopped – that couldn't be right. Rhyme must be confused.

"Wait, are you saying that…" Rhyme nodded once more, a smirk played on her features. It was clear she was trying to be comforting but the glee of catching the Composer unawares was all too thrilling.

"She's jealous." A lot of things made sense with this new information: why Shiki had been so angry, why she had acted so out of character, why she was so hung up on Neku.

She loved Neku.

And Joshua was in the way of her target. A wave of guilt and sadness washed over the silverette: he hadn't let himself admit it but he was in love with Neku. But Shiki was what was best for Neku. She was who he was supposed to be with. Joshua kept creating distance between them with his presence. He shouldn't be there. It was wrong for him to be there. He wished that it was he who was meant to love the ginger boy. But everyone knows: wishes don't come true. His heart felt as if it were being crushed from inside his chest. A throbbing sting emanated from within. Emptiness - previously held back by hope - consumed him once more. For the first time in many decades; he felt dead.

It hurt.

"I have to go." Once more, Joshua fled – the pain too much to take.

He would rather be alone than deny Neku what he was meant to have. Shiki was right: he was selfish to have come back. He trudged through the snow, heading away from the group. He didn't have a destination in mind; he just had to get away. He would only ruin Neku's life were he to stay. He didn't deserve to know Neku.

Neku had his friends. He didn't deserve friendship.

Shiki loved Neku. He didn't deserve to be loved.

He deserved to be alone. He deserved to be hurt. He deserved to die.

"Joshua, don't go."

He had to – oh how he wished he could stay. He longed to be friends with the ginger – he dreamed he could love the teen. But he couldn't. Neku deserved so much more than the Composer of Shibuya. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to stop them from shaking. He hung his head to hide his tears. His strides increased in length; he wouldn't run. No he wouldn't give himself the satisfaction of running. He would suffer so that he would never contemplate reaching for something that wasn't his again.

That was until he heard it – the scream.

Joshua whirled around. He spotted a pair of children roll off of a sled. The toboggan continued charging on; out of control. In the path of the sledge was a stationary, oblivious, bereaved Neku Sakuraba.

He leapt. Joshua landed on Neku. He pushed Neku away with the momentum of his jump. Thwack.

The sled hit him square in the back. The impact knocked him forward. Pain seared through him as he continued to fall. The ground rose up to meet him. He smashed into the icy ground; head first. Cold consumed him. The melting snow dampened his clothes. His back resonated with sharp pain. He couldn't move. His nose ached; it was most likely severely bruised. His chest was tight; he couldn't breathe. His eyelids were heavy. Fingers twitched uneasily; shock coursed through the muscles making them spasm.

Warm hands tenderly rolled him onto his back. He groaned when the cold clawed his back. His vision was impaired thanks to the snow in his eyes.

"Joshua, oh my god, are you alright?" Joshua laughed, another wave of pain erupting with the movement.

"Of all the questions one could ask, dear; you ask that one." His breaths were strained; his body limp. The sky was a monotonous grey in the sky. Subdued clouds wafted along. Overall it was a rather boring view for the silverette. The cold had all but trapped him now; his limbs had forgotten what it felt like to be warm. That was until he felt a burning hand entwine with his own.

"Why Josh?" It seemed Neku enjoyed being ambiguous - yet again it was unclear what he meant. If he meant why he had jumped on the ginger then it was because Joshua had no time to consider his actions. He could not shout; Neku would not react in time. So instead he had acted the way he saw fit. However if Neku meant why he was leaving then unfortunately he would not get an answer. Joshua would never tell a soul. So instead he laughed. He laughed a very quiet, sombre laugh that wasn't really a laugh at all, more a choked breath. "Thank you." Joshua closed his eyes, he was so tired. He was tired of lying on the floor. He was tired of being Composer of Shibuya. He was generally tired, fatigue nipping at his eyelids.

"Glad I could help." Neku's breath puffed out in clouds as he laughed.

"Anything I can do to repay you for saving my life?" As preposterous as the statement was, Joshua couldn't help but feel warmed by the boy's consideration.

"Oh I can think of two things I'd like; first I'd rather like to see your masterpiece." Neku rolled his eyes but slowly helped Joshua to his feet, supporting his head and back when needed. He hoisted the silverette's arm over his shoulder, helping him hobble over to the snow man. "Where are the others?"

"Oh, they had to – sort some things out." Neku's hesitation gave away the real reason for their disappearance. Shiki had obviously thrown a fit after Neku had run after Joshua. Beat and Rhyme had taken her and vacated the area to prevent further conflict. Neku knew Joshua didn't buy his lie. Joshua felt terrible; he was coming between Neku and his friends. "I can see you blaming yourself, don't you dare. Shiki's ignorance is not your fault." Joshua looked down at his snow covered shoes.

"I'm sorry." They stopped. Neku lifted the silverette's chin, ushering him to look into his eyes - the same deep blue eyes that always entranced Joshua. They sparkled in the light refracted by the snow. The Composer was utterly enthralled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He stroked the other's cheek softly, a smile gracing his face. He turned Joshua around, where he was face-to-face with the snow deity.

Now I say deity, because staring back in the Composer's eyes was…the Composer's eyes.

Neku had crafted his likeness in snow. The hair was meticulously chiselled, each hair in place – rather like the silverette's normal visage. The features were soft and smooth. The nose was a faultless curve; the mouth frozen in a gentle, genuine smile. His neck was tall, even his collar bone had been crafted. His chilly doppelganger was clad in the clothes he wore over Neku's time in the game. The shirt had been accurately moulded; the creases the original sported were all embossed into the snow. His lanky arms were folded across his chest. In his dainty left hand was an exact replica of his phone. His long legs stood above his perfectly scuffed trainers. It was chilling how realistic the snow-Joshua was. Neku had heeded every detail.

"I don't know what to say. It's amazing." Neku was humbled, turning bashful. His face turned red thanks to his blushing.

"Thanks, I thought I might try to make a snow-angel. It doesn't really do any justice though; I couldn't capture most of your grace. Plus I could never recreate your most striking feature." Joshua tilted his head in confusion. Neku sighed, pointing to the doppelganger's face. "Your eyes – they don't look like your real ones. Yours are much more…I can't find a better word than angelic. Striking, is probably less of a pun." The doppelganger's eyes were curved, wide and full of wonder. The dim light caught them, making them shine. "Plus they look duller without the colour."

"You flirt, no wonder Miss Misaki is infatuated with you." Neku sighed. He clearly didn't reciprocate the girl's feelings. In fact he seemed to retreat into himself at the mere mention of her.

"She has the wrong idea, I don't think of her like that. Yet she's so possessive as if I were her boyfriend. I don't love her." Joshua hated himself for feeling joyous as the ginger uttered those words. He turned to the other, seeing him in distress.

"The way you speak is as if you love someone else." He pushed his shoulders back in an attempt to decrease the strain on his back, it still hurt like hell. He shifted in the hopes of finding a position where the pain would ease.

"Maybe I do. Anyway, what was the second thing you wanted?" Neku clearly wanted to change the subject. Joshua allowed him to redirect the topic. He himself felt a little nauseous when talking about matters of the heart. Plus he really wanted to get out of the cold and have a good sit down.

"I thought you'd never ask. I'd like a warm beverage, dear." Neku bristled at the hoped-forgotten nickname. Joshua beamed at the ginger; a childish grin on his face. Neku shook his head in amazement.

"Hot chocolate alright?" They hobbled away toward Cat Street; Neku supporting Joshua once more.

"Will there be marshmallows?" The ginger looked at the other in disbelief. The silverette was so childish underneath his cocky exterior. He chuckled as he replied:

"Sure, how many do you want?" Joshua contemplated for a moment before holding up the appropriate number of fingers on his free hand.

"Four please." Neku had never heard the word 'please' leave the silverette's mouth. He blinked; stunned. They headed back to Wild Cat, in pursuit of hot chocolate.

Meanwhile, a drop of water slipped down a snow-angel's frosty face. Things were getting better; the Composer was learning to let others in once more. However his guilt would have to be addressed, what better time than Christmas.


End file.
